I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
