if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
