just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
