My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
