Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
