words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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