Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
