You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
