The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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