I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
