there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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