I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
