is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
