seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
