Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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