Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
