I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fuck appropriateness.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
