Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
