stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
nutella sex= disaster
I love having hate sex.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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