How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
