The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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