i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
