U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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