They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
