oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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