No stitches, just platelets and will power
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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