ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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