You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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