Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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