So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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