Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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