i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
