2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
