i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
