how can u be prego again
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
