You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
