You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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