Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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