Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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