I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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