A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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