he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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