please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
