I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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