I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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