So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Banned from zoo.
Again?
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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