So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
