Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
