Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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