I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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