highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
