i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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