Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Small penises have feelings too.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
