she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
