it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
