Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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