i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
