Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
