Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
