What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
