I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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