I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
