I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
