White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
