he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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