I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
