i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
