i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
