its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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