So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
