Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want nice things and good sex
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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