you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
