The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
