I must be too annoying 4 u.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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