You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
