i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
